We just celebrated Oliver’s 3rd birthday! In honor of his big day, I wanted to share some insights on toddler nutrition– but in a way that is a bit unexpected. I’m not talking about how I sneak vegetables into his diet, but more, how he is becoming more comfortable trying a variety of foods in his own way.
If you have a toddler, or know a 2 or 3 year-old, you understand how seemingly impossible it is to convince them to do certain things. “Put away these blocks… hold mommy’s hand… stop licking the carpet… try this food…” Toddlers are learning their independence and like to do things on their own terms. With gentle structure, schedule, and opportunity to practice their autonomy, little ones will learn to eat a variety of foods. Every child is unique and this journey is different for everyone. Don’t compare your child’s eating habits to another kid’s… this is not a fun game. Focus on the positive impact you can have on mealtime, and trust your child to do the rest.
It’s more important for a child to have a good relationship with food than it is to “eat vegetables”.
The way we as parents talk about food and eating shapes how our children view food and eating. Putting pressure on eating certain things, even with the best of intentions, can cause a child to have a negative association with that food or even view mealtime as a battleground. Bribing or rewarding a child with dessert if they eat vegetables sends the message that there is something bad about veggies, so if you get them down you can have the celebration of dessert.
I first learned of the Division of Responsibility in child feeding when I had the privilege of working on a family feeding study at Penn State. Ellyn Satter, a dietitian and family therapist, is a pioneer for family mealtime and childhood nutrition, laying research-backed groundwork for the division of responsibility in her numerous books and website. A more in-depth summary of the method is outlined here, and the summary is below.
Parents and caregivers are responsible for the what, when, and where of mealtime.
Children decide whether and how much.
Ellyn Satter, Division of Responsibility in feeding
Allowing your child to take responsibility for whether they eat at all, and how much they eat may not feel like you have much control, but when following these principles, research shows that a child will eat enough for their bodies and learn to eat a variety of foods.
Here are 4 ways you can create a healthy family mealtime experience in your own home:
- Lighten up- Mealtime should be relaxing and enjoyable. Put the food on the table, get everyone seated, talk about what’s available to eat, and then talk about anything other than the food! What’s something funny that happened today? Who did you enjoy talking with today? How are we kind to each other? Don’t stress yourself out about what your child chooses to eat– remember, that’s for the child to decide. Create a pleasant environment around food and your child will thrive.
- Practice modeling- Children learn by watching others. Show your child how YOU eat a variety of foods and try new things. Consistently serve different foods to increase familiarity of foods. Model, don’t pressure. Talk about food in a positive way.
- Provide repeat exposure- Choose a vegetable some family members truly enjoy, and serve it multiple times in a week. The more a child is exposed to a vegetable, the more comfortable and willing to try it they become. Vegetable exposure doesn’t have to be just offering food at the dinner table, you can offer vegetables as a means of play, too: Have your child try stacking the vegetables in a tower on the plate, line up these veggies in color order, or use toothpicks to connect pieces of cooked veggies together. Allow toddlers to play with food. It’s okay if they don’t taste it, they will one day!
- Talk about food differently– Discourage the use of negative words to describe food: for example, at our table I remind my son that food is not YUCK! (Plenty of other things are, of course.) Saying yuck, eww, or disgusting about food can hurt others’ feelings- both those who prepared it and those who enjoy it. Here are some better phrases to teach kids to say when they don’t like the taste of a food:
- It’s not for me.
- It’s not my favorite.
- I don’t prefer it.
- Maybe next time!
Lastly, it’s important to always serve at least 1 familiar, likable food at every meal. At our table, it could be grapes, bread, or cheese. A familiar food is one you know your child will gravitate toward, creating a more comfortable eating environment and also providing nutrients to fill their tummy if they aren’t ready to fill up on something new.
Love this topic? One of my favorite RD resources is Kids Eat in Color – an amazing blog and IG account with tons of tips and resources for toddler feeding.
Try one of these strategies at dinner tonight! I’d love to hear your feedback on how your toddler eats at mealtime. Remember that every child is unique and trust your child as he or she tries new foods. Have fun with dinner tonight!
